I have a problem. I’m a perfectionist. I feel as though I can never make a mistake or have a bad day. Yes, I live in fear. A terror so constant that sometimes I feel as though I’m going to explode. Everywhere I go, I believe that I’m being watched and judged by the other people around me.
On Wednesday, I had a basketball game. It was probably one of the worst games I have ever played. I played scared. My fear of making a mistake actually led me to greater failure. At one point, I didn’t want to be substituted back in the game because I KNEW I was going to fail. I had already decided it. My mind was already tainted with the pressure of perfection.
I can’t live like this. I’m a prisoner to my doubts, insecurities, and fears. I can’t please everyone and I won’t always please myself. I’m not perfect. I make poor judgements. I’m human.
We live in a world lacking in second chances. A world that has sacrificed forgiveness for hate, grudges, and revenge. I have trouble forgiving my own mistakes and it results in my own self-hatred.
Perfection suffocates boldness. The only way to live is to be bold. I really hope I find the courage to express myself for exactly who I am and tune out those who try to destroy my confidence.
Today, I have decided to love myself unconditionally and to not allow the insecurities and fears that society imposes on me pummel my self-esteem. This is my vow to my beautiful imperfection.